Sunday, May 29, 2011

Alhamdulillah, syukur nikmat..

Lame sgt tak update blog ni..tu la ambitious sgt..nak wat post yg panjang2 je...pastu asik xde idea+bertangguh2 . .ni la jadinyer..
Skg ni my state of mind,mode nyer ialah hepi sesgt2 ...n bersyukur sgt2....nk tau knp?sbb masalah terbesar dah settle!......apekah masalah problem itu?he he eh. Xdela bsr sgt pun kan pun ..wat2 jewr..skg aku dah dpt ape yg aku nak sgt..ape yg selame ni berlegar2,terngiang2 dah pun settle...sekarang ni,kene tunaikan janji pada Yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Mengasihi..

Sunday, October 24, 2010

my dearie

lama sungguh tinggalkan kamu...
tapi tak bermakna dah dilupakan.
so, ini short entri dulu,
sebagai tanda kamu tak dilupakan.
nanti kiter update lg yer..

Sunday, April 4, 2010

feeling lost

I don't know who I am,
what am I doing,
what my heart is saying.

I don't know where am I going,
where am I heading,
where shall I begin.

I know my self no more,
I know what I want no more.

May the force me with me,
May I find myself again,
May I make up my loss time.

Other People's Love Letters: 150 Letters You Were Never Meant to See

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

And the stoy begins..

This is the story of a husband who lost his wife and misses her so much while he tries to give the best to his child. And the story begins...

4 years ago, an accident took my beloved wifeaway and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child.

There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.

With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all i heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bed sheet and blanket!

Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:

"Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you 'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry Dad..."

At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I didn't want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.

A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.

However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn't to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy.....

Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practice his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes me proud too!

Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the Christmas spirit is in every passer-by...Christmas carols and frantic shoppers....but alas, my son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day's work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, ' I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year.

His answer, amidst his sobbing, was: The letters were for Mummy.

My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: "But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son's reply was:

"I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once..."

After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say....

I told my son, " Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldn't help opening the letter before they turn to ash. And one of the letters broke my heart....

Dear Mummy, I miss you so much! Today, there was a 'Talent Show' in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldn't help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room. I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why havent you appear?

After reading the letter, I cant stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife....

For females with children:
Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take care of your little precious.

For married men:
Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients. Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this society, no one is indispensable. Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little precious and your loved ones.

For singles out there:
Beauty lies in loving yourself first. With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. You will be able to work better and happier. Don't let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing matters more than your well being.

Source: Ummiku Sayang
Copy from: The Precious Moment
Courtesy: kak chik

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Women around the world

Post kali ni agak international gempak jer ayat.. Saje nak cerite skit pasal being a woman, and nak tengok camner cara hidup orang kat tempat lain.
Kajian menunjukkan (wah, ayat2 wat assignment ms kat uni dl..hehe)orang Denmark adalah orang yg paling gumbira di dunia. Ape lagi kalau menjadi wanita kat Denmark, banyak kelebihan yg dieorang dapat. Nak tau ape kelebihannye? Nak tau kenape dieorang gumbire sgt?

Ini senarai ke'best'an jd orang Denmark:
(1)Kalau kat Malaysia, kite dapat maternity leave 60 hari jer, kalau yg nak lame lagi kene la unpaid leave. Tapi mothers kat Denmark dapat maternity leave 6-12 months! Dapat gaji lg u!! Amacam? best x?hehhe....

(2) Perbelanjaaan perubatan kat Denmark sumenyer ditanggung halal oleh kerajaan dieorang..sebab pada dieorang, mempunyai rakyat yang sihat adalah something yg sgt penting bg negara dieorang.

(3) Orang Denmark, start keje pukul 8, balik keje pukul 4 petang. Pukul 4 petang tuh, dieorang dah ader kat market (yg menunjukkan betape TAK jammed nyer jlnraye kat sane)utk beli barang-barang utk masak..sebab pada dieorang, ape yg penting (bukan kerjasame...) time dengan family.

(3) Bukan jer perubatan, pendidikan pun free kat Denmark! Kalau kiter terpilih utk blajar kat universiti, kiter akan diberi duit (lagi..?!) around $400-$500..dah la blajar kat universiti free, dapat duit lak lg..sebab gomen dieorang kate, rakyat yang berpendidikan and sihat adalah sgt penting.

(4) Pastu, gomen dieorang akan tlg carikan keje after grad. Kalo kiter hilang pekerjaan, gomen akan bayar 90% dari gaji asal kiter up to 4 years selagi xdapat keje..huih! kalo Malaysia wat camtuh, bankrupt gomen!. Dierorng blhla buat camtu sebab, gomen dierorang charge tax yang tinggi aroung 60% frm your monthly kat sana sume keje rase same dari segi pendapatan sebab makin tinggi gaji, makin banyak la potong nyer utk income tax...

(5) Main reason yg buat Danes nih orang yang paling happy, ialah dieorang nih live a very simple life. Rumah dieorang sgt simple, kecik jer xbesar, xbanyak perabut sebab dieorang mementingkan practicality. Dieorang pun cam xpikir negative, positive la sesgt sampaikan relek jer tinggal kan baby kat luar rumah sorang2 sebab pada dieorang xde orang yang akan ape2kan baby dieorang sebab sme orang baik2..huh?sampai camtuh?!

Itu cerite pasal Denmark, ni ade satu lagi cerite pasal Brazil.

Kalau korang tgk, mostly orang Brazil ni body dier cantik2! Ini adalah kerana, dieorang memang mementingkan and conscious psl kecantikan bentuk badan. Sebab..dieorang pnyer negara kan bnyk pantai, so dieorang slalu hang out kat pantai and pakai less clothes..jd bile dah pakai less clothes tuh, badan haruslah chantek kan...xle la ader babat-babat segala..Ini jugak yang membuatkan industri plastic surgery sgt popular kat sane. Korang tau x, kat Brazil kebanyakkan dieorang xde buat mortgage (loan rumah). Dieorang akan kumpul duit sampai cukup baru beli rmh..huih! Umur brape la baru dpt beli rmh nyer tuh...

Kat Turkey, wanita bebas nak blajar sampai tinggi mana pun, ader double degree ker nak ader 2-3 Ph.D pun xpe. Tapi dah jadi trend bagi dieorang yang dieorang akan berhenti keje dlm average umur 32 tahun sebab nak jadi fulltime housewife.

So, korang dah bace sumer yang di atas, aper komen? Kite yang kat Malaysia ni camner? Ape-ape pun sangat bersyukur dengan keadaan sekarang, tapi still ader room for improvement kan?hhehe....speak up!

Friday, January 1, 2010

"Picture with my lil princess when she's about 4mnths old. Next week,she'll turn 1 ! Can't believe how fast time flies"

Thursday, December 31, 2009

welcome 2010

diam xdiam dah tahun 2010.
rase sekejap sgt mase berjalan sekarang ni.
dulu mase sekolah rendah,
time rehat yg 30 minit tuh boleh buat mcm2.
boleh round2 sekolah dari hujung ke hujung.
boleh makan, main teng-teng,chop tiang, galah panjang..
(permainan wajib.rasenyer korang sume pun main bende yg same kan?xkire la korang kat johor ker kl ker penang ker..tetap main benda yg same. pelik kan?camner blh camtu...)

tapi biler masuk sekolah menengah,
rehat pun 30 minit gak,
tapi jln g kantin ,makan makan...dah bunyi loceng...
knp jadi camtu?
semakin besar,kite ni semakin x pandai manage time ker?
ker memang time dah makin cepat sekarang nih?

since kiter dah masuk tahun baru nih,
rase lebih termotivate utk berubah.
utk menjadi lebih baik.
tahun nih, keyword nyer ialah:

reason why:
its the most important element dlm hidup kiter.
ape2 pun sume nyer mule dari rmh.
so as a Managing Director kat rmh ni, nak jage rumah elok2,
make sure tht everything is in order despite of my busy schedule.

This year hopefully dpt pick up banyak lg skill2 .
thinking of baking,
nak bake mcm2 so tht nnti blh ajar my daughter.

and menjahit,
nak sgt buat curtain sendiri!

and gardening (yg ni suke tapi xpenah dpt chance btl2, slalu separuh jln jer)
nak buat garden utk rmh sendiri nnti.

this year pun nak kurang kan or if possible nak
write off terus tabiat and tebiat yg xberape nak baik.

so mission for this year:

1.time management yg lebih efficient.which sememangnyer sgt mencabar!
~balik keje dah kul brp,nak layan my lil princess , nak masak, nak kemas rumah,, nak jumpa kawan2, nak membeli belah keperluan dan kehendak..

2. financial planning yg lebih berdisplin.
~those who fail to plan,plan to fail..

3. nak jaga diri and body~hehe sbb rasenyer dah lama xmenjaga diri sendiri.asik menjaga org lain, kadang2 smpai lupe diri sendiri.

4. be a good wife, mother,daughter and muslimah.insyallah~

so kalo korang pun ader niat nak jadi yg lebih baik, and still xtercapai lagi, jom la kiter sesame try and error..

sorila if blog ni cam agak lame (baru nk try2, and still cari topic2 yg masyuk).
dalam keTIDAKsempatan,inilah yg dapat dipost kali ni.
maklumla tahun baru,xkanla xnak update blog..lastly,
WELCOME 2010~May the force be with us~